February 2012
3 posts
WholeFoods parking lot (National & Barrington) 10...
Clipboard lady: Hi sir!
Shopper: Hey.
Clipboard lady: Do you support Planned Parenthood?
Shopper: No.
Clipboard lady: Please take back your organic foods, you're confused.
January 2012
1 post
December 2011
2 posts
iangary:
I will excitedly pet any pit-bull, unless it is being walked by a black person. Then, I am terrified. #SituationalRacism
What if you’re on an elevator with Michael Jordan, Eddie Murphy, and a pitbull? Then what?
November 2011
5 posts
At DFW airport
Lady 1: My neighbor told me that the press is lying to us, that the government is keeping the truth about world conflict from the headlines to appease us and keep us from rioting in the streets.
Lady 2: Your neighbor sounds like a dumbass that can't use the Internet.
At LAX security check
Me: I always say I'll bring less crap.
Guy in line: And I always end up behind someone like you.
Me: I get that you saw the movie, but that doesn't make you George Clooney...
TSA guy: oooohhhh BURN son!
iangary:
One day I will invent a trash truck that doesn’t sound like a dinosaur being thrown into a jet engine. Everyone will love me.
October 2011
5 posts
whithertford:
kings of convenience show was...
Shooting for Third: Brian Eugene Abrahamson:... →
Man fuck this guy.
rickycarmona:
REAL TALK.
edasalazar:
This is doubly bullshit. For those that don’t know a lot of comics have to pay travel expenses out of pocket in advance. They expect to re-coup this cost out of their pay. (A lot of the time barely breaking even if you are a feature.) So stiffing a comic can actually mean that they not only did not get paid but they lose money. Anyone...
Pink’s song lyric where she says her socks are never clean is meant to show her frustration of how things don’t go her way. But it only makes me thing she wears dirty socks.
September 2011
1 post
1 tag
August 2011
8 posts
2 tags
“One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get...”
– Lucille Ball (via ilovedesilu)
* thanks Lauren. majorly needed. you are in tune Sushi. (via whithertford)
Lunges
healthiereveryday:
Lunges can be done anywhere.
At home. In the office. On the sidewalk. In the car.
… wait, not in the car.
Let me rephrase: lunges can be done almost anywhere.
So I’m going to start doing them more often. Daily, even.
Oh, I have to get up from my desk?
5 lunges on each side.
Oh, I have to walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water?
No, I’m going to lunge my way to...
I have a dream that my 16 children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by how far they can hit a softball.
Dow Dives 350 pts from "total fear". →
iangary:
Good thing we raised that debt ceiling, or shit would be bad…. Lulz.
July 2011
8 posts
June 2011
16 posts
clintonpickens:
I heard someone say “that’s classic Gaga.” Then I came to with blood on my hands.
TIME TO LIKEY LIKEY →
BLOGS FROM MYSPACE - MARCH 28, 2008
BACON
I don’t like the smell of bacon. Reminds me of the burning flesh I smelled in Vietnam.
And people usually say, “hey Josh weren’t old enough to serve!”
and I say, “yeah, but I was old enough to die.”
iangary:
Just met charles mansons bastard daughter…for reals. #bucketlistsididntknowihad
BLOGS FROM MYSPACE - DECEMBER 28, 2006
MY FAIR BRADY
We just wrapped up the HUGE Christmas Show at the Dodge Theatre in Phoenix. This is something that kicks our butt every year as we always work on it from about springtime. There were many highlights from the show – including the Bungee Santa Claus bit which went off better than I could have imagined. It’s moments during a bit like that where I love my job the most – coming...
May 2011
14 posts
